The Absurd Notions Story With Bats In It, by Den Whitton

Strip 1 Panel 1 Isaac and Warren sitting on couch watching TV. Warren: [annoyed] Fancy calling a show on vampire bats ‘Blood Suckers Of The Night.’ This documentary team must be running low on ideas. Isaac: [looking up, watching a small bat circle overhead.] Um. Yeah. Panel 2 Warren: [looking at Isaac] I mean, how clichéd can you get? Isaac: [looking up at bat.] Hmm? Oh. Yeah, clichéd. Panel 3 Warren and Isaac watching bat circle overhead. Panel 4 Warren: Uh. Is that a bat? Isaac: I’m glad to hear you say that. I thought I was going mad. Strip 2 Panel 1 Warren and Isaac sitting on the couch looking at the bat circling overhead. Jay is standing behind them, looking at the television. Jay: Is the vampire documentary ok? Panel 2 Warren and Isaac sitting on the couch looking at the bat circling overhead. Jay is standing behind them, looking at the bat. Panel 3 Warren and Isaac sitting on the couch looking at the bat circling overhead. Jay is standing behind them, looking at the television. Jay: Warren? Warren: Hmm? Panel 4 Warren and Isaac sitting on the couch looking at the bat circling overhead. Jay is standing behind them, looking at the bat. Jay: Have you added a projector to the television? Warren: I think I wish I had. Strip 3 Panel 1 Warren, Jay and Isaac sitting on the couch, watching the bat circle overhead. Biff is standing behind them. Biff [looking at the bat] Ew! I’m locking my door tonight. That horrible thing won’t be getting my blood! Jay: You’re not worried about turning into a creature of the night, are you? Panel 2 Warren, Jay and Isaac sitting on the couch, watching the bat circle overhead. Biff is standing behind them. Biff: [annoyed] Give me some credit! Isaac: it’s probably an insectivore. The worst it could do is give you a nasty nip. Panel 3 Warren, Jay and Isaac sitting on the couch, watching the bat circle overhead. Biff is standing behind them. Warren: And rabies. Panel 4 Warren sitting alone on the couch in an empty room, with bat circling overhead. Strip 4 Panel 1 Warren, Isaac, Jay and Biff standing near a painting on the wall. Jay: Are you sure it went behind my painting? Warren: [handing towels to the others.] Yes. It landed on top and scrambled down behind the frame. I’ll pull the painting away from the wall, and you all try to throw a towel over it. Panel 2 Warren: [holding picture by frame] Ready? Others: [holding towels] Yes! Warren: Right! One... Two... Panel 3 Warren holding painting with a dozen little bats flying out from behind. Isaac, Jay and Biff are crouching on the floor with the towels over their heads. They are looking at the bats. Warren: THR- ack! Panel 4 Isaac, Jay and Biff are crouching on the floor with the towels over their heads. Warren is crouching with the painting over his head. Biff: Well done, Warren. Warren: I DIDN’T PUT THEM THERE! Strip 5 Panel 1 Many bats flying overhead. Isaac: Maybe we can trap them in something? Warren: Maybe, but what would you use? Panel 2 Jay: [smiling] We could build a belfry. Panel 3 Warren and Isaac look at Jay Panel 4 Warren: [to Isaac] And that’s when I killed him, your honour. Isaac: Case dismissed. Strip 6 Panel 1 Many bats flying overhead. Isaac: Can we hunt them out? Warren: Don’t be ridiculous! It would be like herding cats! Panel 2 Jay: [smiling] You said that about clueless people after your first day on Help Desk. Warren: Look... Panel 3 Warren looks at Jay Panel 4 Warren: [pointing off screen] You’re right. Biff, open that window. Biff: Okay... HEY! Strip 7 Panel 1 Many bats flying overhead. The lads look hot and puffed. JAG walks through the door. JAG: [looking at the bats flying near the ceiling] Jay? I was wondering... Good grief! Where did they come from? Panel 2 Jay: We don’t know. Warren: Can you help us hunt them out? JAG: [smiling at the bats] Panel 3 JAG: [looking at Warren] Hunt? Why don’t you wait until night, open a window and leave the lights on? Panel 4 Warren: [walking off, annoyed] That’s it! I’m getting a tennis racket. JAG: [annoyed] You do and I’ll call the SPCB! Strip 8 Panel 1 Biff lying in bed with the light on, looking very tired. Biff: [thinking] Aagh! I can’t sleep! I have to turn this light off! Panel 2 [Pure black panel except for the word click!] Panel 3 [Pure black panel] SFX [tiny letters near the top of the panel] squeak! flutter flutter squeak! [many many of these] Panel 4 Biff lying wide awake in bed. SFX: Click! Strip 9 Panel 1 [The Lads sitting around the table looking very tired. Isaac has his head on the table, Warren has his hands over his face.] Biff: I don’t think I slept at all. The light... Jay: Trying to sleep is worse than trying to stay awake. Isaac: [mumbles] Warren: shut up I haven’thadmycoffeeyet Panel 2 [The Lads sitting around the table looking very tired. Isaac has his head on the table, Warren has his hands over his face.] Biff: I can’t handle another night like that. Jay: Yeah. Thank heavens the bats left. Panel 3 [The Lads sitting around the table looking very tired. Everyone is staring vaguely at the center of the table] Panel 4 [Everyone standing up] Warren: I’ll check behind everything in the lounge room. Jay: Biff and I will check the kitchen Isaac: Right, and I’ll do the bedrooms.

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The above story is Copyright © 2001 Den Whitton, with characters belonging to Kevin Pease.
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