Absurd Notions: Dramatis Personae

Dr. Emil Umlaut is the archetypal embodiment of apathy. A tenured professor and lecturer at the state college's Department of Ambiguities, he is sedentary and selfish. Upon finding himself the landlord of an apartment building, he has resolved to put as much energy and effort into this responsibility as he puts into teaching, i.e., none.

Björn Jensen is a fellow sysadmin overseas who occasionally serves as the "wise guru on the mountain" to Warren, offering advice whenever Warren can't solve a problem by himself.

Manny

Manny is a monster in Traps & Treasures that has taken on a life of his own as an NPC. He's a big hairy chunk of anger with all the single-mindedness of Wile E. Coyote, but far, far more capable of destroying his prey.

WARREN'S EMPLOYERS

Barry

Barry used to be Warren's boss. He seems to have a tenuous grasp on the workings of his company, because he keeps forgetting that Warren no longer works for him. We've never actually seen Barry, which is just as well.

Garry

Garry started NitNet during the ISP boom of the 90's, knowing nothing more about the Internet than that it was where all the money was supposed to be. He's the kind of boss who grates on your nerves even when he's being nice to you. He learned all he knows about management from the example of J. C. Dithers... with the addition of one other thing: Garry believes strongly in the effectiveness of positive encouragement. However, he isn't quite clear on what encouragement actually is, and his attempts at faking it leave something to be desired.

Harry

Harry is an upper-middle manager at Vitameatamegacom. He might be as clueless as any manager, but he's very much a permissive, hands-off kind of boss, which suits Warren just fine.

WARREN'S COWORKERS

Jyg

Jennifer Y. Green ("Jyg") was Jag's college roommate, which is why the two of them ended up with nicknames. She is easily amazed, easily confused, and Biff could probably beat her at chess. Jyg has distanced herself from the others since graduation, partly because she has little in common with them, and partly because she prefers to be called Jennifer. She works as a secretary at NitNet, and is a constant source of irritation to Warren.

Colin Colin is the tech's nightmare. He's the one who fiddles with things without permission, says he's done something when he hasn't, says he hasn't done something when he has, ignores instructions, misinterprets instructions in boggling ways, and all the while remains inexplicably, smugly proud of the fact that he doesn't know what he's doing.

Del Del looks like he might be an interesting person, but nobody may ever find out. This cubicle-dweller speaks mostly in workplace platitudes like "same old, same old", and blends into the office so well that it's anyone's guess whether he's keeping his head down or is genuinely that boring.